*This page needs to be divided into many*

What happend?

Anything I ever say always upsets people. No matter what I do or don't say.

I am 30 this year, September 2023, to still be living with my mom. I tried last summer many times to move out, wasted thousands of dollars on applications, for all to not accept my step-mom (Janelle Buittner) for me to have nobody else.

I never get a reply for places under $2,200/month in rent in Colorado. They want income 3x's that amount. Was making in 2023, but not his year. But would have gaps in months of a week or 2 off for them to say not acceptable. Others angry if I did work full time. Sad, I am 30 this year to of finally of worked full time in my life for a year ever in life, 

My birth parents want me to find a man to take care of me, living in Colorado at my age, no such thing exist of a financial stable man or woman not a student in college or without kids by age 20. 

*I know I am conceded*

-I don't like fat guys

- I do not like women, and fat dudes have boobs, that are so disguising to me. Yet, I laugh at flat chicks who wear stuffed bras, and many think I like them. I am trying to actually habit pointing and laughing at people instead of being nice sociable daily life or turning around to not face such. 

- I am 5'6" when not slouching, I did fencing with a blade some years ago to be forward stanced, but do not have mom arms, or as my birth mom (Eva) says, Gorilla arms. So, i like guys taller than me, and so I do not have a double chin looking down. (But raised catholic, I do not use tampons, I use Maxi Pads, so I do avoid certain tall (big) men because I am natural woman yet and need a boyfriend or just will not like.

- I am not physically attracted to black men or Hispanics, but love Asians. just chemical happens. But, only ever get white boys.

- Never dated a guy with a job, car, or own place, be nice for one, and I refuse to do anything in a car, to be single 9 years. Yes, I got a hotel with a guy last year sometimes. I went 8 years with no sex and can't meet a guy to take me back to their place. If we got serious, we could middle school and sit in my living room with mom and such, but I never watch TV in my living room living in this house for 16 years. But, he lived with his mom and me with mine so hotel was nice, till other bitches ruined him. I had lowered my standards, picked a small, ugly, poor guy and he felt he was a playboy. He lost this playboy bunny, and I would love to break his glasses. Been abot a year with none again, to onyl be treated as a back alley whore for me to refuse. I want love and loyalty. Apparently doesn't exist to lead me to move away soon. I have never cheated on a guy. 

- I do not smoke weed, living in Colorado I did used to and 99.9% of the time guys smoke weed. I am ready for kids, but not till after love, marriage, and not living with my mom or I will be kicked out. My dad... says a guy has to take care of me. Weed passes through skin contact and of course air, so I do not want stupid kids adn they need to not smoke. 

I have never been in love before... May never... Spinster I am... 

My crazy!

Google is not accurate

I am diagnosed, officially in my medical files, wish could be removed ad told never will be:

• Psychosis

• Paranoia

• BPD

• Anxiety

• Panic Attacks

• PTSD

Personality disorders, not disabilities:

• Neurosis

• Hypergraphia

It is okay!

I do not need medications. If I do take them, that means I have to go on SSI to pay for horrible stuff, like Haldol or Risperdal with Lithium and or Prozac and such. I refuse street drugs after dating a guy with epilepsy for 3 years, knew for 10, who got addicted to his pain meds and muscle relaxers. No doctor or therapist can reassure me I would not get addicted or have people steal them from me (another long yeast of people negative in my life.) The medications make me drool and horrible Aphasia, I sometimes get now, especially if I do not talk to myself daily,  I can't stand or walk or drive for more than 20 mins without collapsing with that happening on my stairs in my own home to be scared all the time. They make me have terrible cystic acne with a white filled pimple unable to put a finger in-between any on my face and I end up being 200 lbs. Scarry.... I never want to be forced on meds again, had to in 2021, luckily not injected, and never will I fill them once out of hospitals. 2012, I took a photo of my butt in shorts with the 30 day butt workout challenge and said most women were fat cows to give up and cops showed up, arrested me, and sent met anothe psychiatric ward fro 3 weeks. Eariler that year somone broke into my house and pissd on my bed and  I was not allowed to self admit myself and to this day never got herpay for. Could go on, but was most likely co-worker at past job with Safeway in WIndsor, CO.

With a full face of make-up on (Model ready) and half eye shadow.

All make-up brands are different on my face. Where summer I tan.

No make-up.

Half face of make-up (Camera Ready) 

Two different brands.

It's not that bad

I know,...

But a long life of others has made it difficult. People calling and avoiding me because I am considered poor to have it. Being judged as a religion I am not, especially after 9/11.  Guys gross out and girls not wanting to be my friend. It is so gross to many and they have perfect skin. Guys... never able to put my forehead on them without being pushed off. An ex I dated for a year always washing his pillow right after I left. Another ex I dated for 3 years, to never let my head on a pillow at all to make me lay on my side a certain way to not have my head hit nothing. 

Continued comming soon